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________________________ Super Party Soul Sistah

señora beaverhausen
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Carolina was born in a small village of Puerto Rico, where she mastered the alphabet, colors, and potty training by the age of one. When she was two, she discovered that seeds fit perfectly in hear ears, leading to many ear infections that caused her to fall down a lot. She spent most of her childhood trying to kill her little brother, writing her National Best Seller "Zen and the Art of Poopie Wall Painting", and forcing herself to remain minutes underwater, thinking that this would allow her to turn into a mermaid; she failed miserably. This sent her into a blinding rage, the catalyst that caused her to run away from home. Members of her village claim her last words were so lewd and violent, many of the elders dropped dead. By the age of ten she had sailed over the world in a hot air balloon, wrestled a shark, found the cure for Herpes (but then lost it in a drunken stupor), and traveled to DC, where she attempted to assassinate president Bush Sr. She escaped from prison a year later and spent the next decade in the Himalayas, studying Buddhism and teaching blind people to sew Gucci wallets for very little money. She worked under the teachings of the great Sun Yay Sonny, who later turned out to be not a Buddhist monk, but a schizophrenic escapee from the Nepal Kaiser Permanente. She reached Nirvana 3 times, and one time was even able to touch Kurt Cobain, but the singer filed the first of many restraining orders that followed. After an isolated incident involving the Pope and a can of bug spray, she was on the run again.

Her frequent flyer miles lead her to Los Angeles, where, in an act of desperation, she agreed to film a pornographic film with Jon Stewart called "Shaving Ryan's Privates". The National Organization of Pornography gave her the coveted Top Hooker Booker Award, but she left the industry after realizing it wasn’t about the sex anymore, but the money; there were no values left. Years later, she was arrested again for being the ring leader of an underground organization called LSC (Let's Spread Communism!), but later received a pardon from the governor, who disappeared three days later and was never found. Paranoid the CIA would discover her strong connections to the Chicano Mafia, she fled from Los Angeles and stopped in Seattle, where it is believed she attempted to kidnap two unidentified FBI agents. Luckily, a friend intervened and she changed her mind at the last second.

Nowadays you can find her at work, where she spends way too much time thinking about penguins. She's unmarried, has no children, and she doesn't deal with intimacy well. Often, but not well.

Her favorite color is orange.

Psst: if you're here for the icons, go to my icon journal.
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